SteamCritique
Quiz
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Crusader Kings IIICrusader Kings III
1. Get a rival 2. Create a religion with forced nudity 3. Imprison rival 4. Force rival to become nudist 5. Convert back to Catholicism In just 5 easy steps no one will take your rival seriously! 11/10 very fun game thx for all the free steam points ;) who knew reviews were perfectly balanced
2348 votes funny
1. Get a rival 2. Create a religion with forced nudity 3. Imprison rival 4. Force rival to become nudist 5. Convert back to Catholicism In just 5 easy steps no one will take your rival seriously! 11/10 very fun game thx for all the free steam points ;) who knew reviews were perfectly balanced
2348 votes funny
I wrote a love letter to the pope. I murdered my own uncle for making fun of me at a feast. I slept with my sister. I then sat down to play some Crusader Kings 3, it's a pretty good game.
1177 votes funny
Married my cousin. Then did it again but in the game. 10/10
1038 votes funny
i had a bastard son but didn't tell him he was my son but raised him as my son then married him off to a girl then seduced the girl and cucked my son then had a bastard son with my son's girl and didn't reveal he was my son so my son thinks my son is his son but really my son's son is my son 10/10
1012 votes funny
In the year 931, my sister and lover was murdered by my friend and brother-in-law. He burnt her at the stake with my babe in her belly. He was a powerful man, my sister married well, his family spread far across Europe with many of his kin in the most influential houses of the developed world. I spent the next 350 years erasing everyone who shared his blood, starting with my niece and nephews. By the time I was done, his family was erased from history, lost to obscurity and time. All my focus and hatred had left my own family nothing more than a poor Duke, so heavily consumed by a hate he didn't understand that by the time it was all over he took his own life before he fathered an heir. Thus, I lost my own family to obscurity and time. After gaining nothing and losing everything I pondered for a moment whether or not it was all worth it... The next day I started a new campaign this time I would play properly, I would get it right... The year is now 932 and my wife (and sister) has given birth to an heir of pure blood, noble and strong. The world will tremble as 350 years of tyrannical darkness descends unto them,
660 votes funny
You can get a couple hours out of it.
655 votes funny
What are you doing step brother 0_0
635 votes funny
30 minutes into the game and my king gets murdered by their brother. Am I playing this game right?
591 votes funny
Ah! Finally I can see my lineage of inbreds in 3D.
580 votes funny
Had a child with my sister and daughter. Then I bought this and it was pretty good.
526 votes funny
> Me and my friend picked Ireland and played as neighboring tribes. >I was peaceful didn't go to war, My friend tried to take over all of Northern Ireland through war. > My friend lost a major battle. >I slept with his wife. >He was more upset about me sleeping with his wife then he was about losing the war.
506 votes funny
My family tree is a circle.
480 votes funny
Bitter disappointment, pretty much exactly the same game as last time, i thought they'd at least change one character
448 votes funny
I had sex with my sister.. Then went home and played CK3
445 votes funny
- Marry your daughter - Have a son - She kills you - She marries the son - Son restores the Persian Empire - ??? - Profit
409 votes funny
the best medieval incest simulator on the free market
396 votes funny
My son has slept with his mother who got pregnant and then both decided to create a faction against me including a successful rebellion which costs me half of my territory. Good game!
390 votes funny
My kids wont stop f**king my wife!!! 10/10
380 votes funny
Great dating simulator.
379 votes funny
This is game is great. Why? Because it will bring out the absolute worst in you, I promise! I set out to be a wise, noble and just ruler. God knows I tried, but it ain't easy. If your Liege is in a war he cannot win, who is likely to loose most? If your Liege decides one of your titles better befits someone else, guess what happens. If your spymaster is banging your wife, all the while plotting to kill you... something had to change! The world in CK3 is a dirty, lying and vengeful place. Being nice, is not gonna cut it. You'll learn that quickly. I lied, fucked, blackmailed and murdered my way to power. And once I was in power, it did everything to keep it.
  • Murdering your wife? Check! (multiple times, kind of the norm really)
  • Whoring out your daughters like brood mares to foster the family line? Check! Highly recommended.
  • Sending your children on death missions to remove them from succession? Check! Necessary.
  • If your heir is not impregnating his wife fast enough, be so kind to have your own go at it? Check!
  • Killing said heir after you had a child with his wife, to setup the child for a longer rule?Check! ... and kinda smart.
  • Arbitrarily imprison a rival for the sole purpose of enjoying to toture him? Check!
  • Regular execution waves to keep your subjects in line? Check! Don't miss out.
And how did that work out for me? I am the undisputet, sanctified Emperor over most of the known world. My Dynasty rules the rest. And there is peace.
363 votes funny
People out here making family trees meanwhile im here making a family circle.
329 votes funny
My girlfriend visited her parents for the weekend and I've spent the whole time playing CK3. On Sunday when she came back, we went to sleep and she asked me what am I thinking of, so I've told her: "I finally have the perfect heir to my empire! He's Fecund, Beautiful, Herculean and Genius... ... and misteriously happens to be my son, grandson and uncle at the same time. But luckily my spymaster and my archbishop are my lovers too, so nobody will know the truth." 10/10 I'm single again.
322 votes funny
⢸⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⡷⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡇⠢⣀Get the Holy Land back, son! ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠈⠑⢦⡀⠀ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠖⠒⠒⠒⢤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢸⠀⠀⣀⢤⣼⣀⡠⠤⠤⠼⠤⡄⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢸⠀⠀⠑⡤⠤⡒⠒⠒⡊⠙⡏⠀⢀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠢⡄⠀ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⢀⠧⠟⠁⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠸⣀⠀⠀⠈⢉⠟⠓⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢱⡖⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⢺⠧⢄⣀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⣠⠃⢸⠀⠀⠈⠉⡽⠿⠯⡆⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢸⠀⠀⣰⠁⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢸⠀⠀⠣⠀⠀⢸⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⢇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡌⠀⠈⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸
313 votes funny
sacrificed the pope to odin and was immediately killed by 50,000 catholic troops 10/10
305 votes funny
Murdered my wife. Slept with my cousin. Executed all the children of a rival. Seduced my bishop. 11/10 would recommend.
292 votes funny

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