You can date your liquor cabinet. Finally, a game that speaks to my interests

Talked to the wall for the first time, he only said wall, I repeated it, he told me he loves me. 10/10 game gonna play it for 100 more hours

found my sex toys right away, immediately had sex with them, then got called a kissless loser by my toilet 10/10

A love letter to voice actors, that's all the reason I needed. The entire reason most of us remember any video game we've played is either the music or the VA performance. This game is a nonstop love letter to writers and actors who make games come to life. Just because they let me flirt with a sexy bed has NOTHING to do with this okay?

Fanfic and fanart for this game is going to be crazy LOL

I picked up Date Everything expecting a silly little time-waster. Y'know, laugh at a few puns, flirt with a traffic cone, call it a night. But somehow I ended up emotionally invested in a vacuum cleaner with abandonment issues. https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3503320235 The characters are way more charming and weirdly relatable than they have any right to be. Theres a toaster who writes poetry. A microwave with a god complex. A cardboard box with hidden depth. Seriously, theres something (or someone) for everyone. The voice acting is so gooooood, its impressive how each character feels distinct and full of personality. And there are so so many great voice actors, like Neil Newbon (known from Asterion/BG3), ♡ Jonah Scott ♡ (known from Legoshi/beastars), Erika Ishii (known from Valkyrie/Apex Legends) and many many more. What really sets Date Everything apart is how obvious it is that the devs care. Not just about the jokes or the wild creativity, but about people. Real people. You see it in the writing. Even the silliest characters have moments of sincerity. Little lines of dialogue that hit way harder than they should. A dumb pun leads into a heartfelt confession. A joke about sentient furniture becomes a quiet conversation about loneliness. It sneaks up on you... and then suddenly youre feeling seen. Its chaotic, touching, funny and yes: deeply weird. But its made with love and it shows in every line of dialogue and every lovingly voiced character. Steam Deck players: This thing lags harder than my motivation on a Monday. I fixed it by manually locking the frame rate to 60 and its been smooth-ish since. Why this game is apparently so heavy on the steam deck, I have no clue. ╰(▔∀▔)╯ https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3503319120 Absolutely recommended! Just dont be surprised when you develop feelings and can never look at objects the same way again. This morning, I stared at my fridge and paused for a moment before opening it, half expecting my touch to unlock more than just the door. What has this game done to me?! ᴱˣᶜᵘˢᵉ ᵐᵉ ⁿᵒʷ ʷʰᶦˡᵉ ᴵ ᵍᵒ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵗʰᵉ ᵛᵃᶜᵘᵘᵐ ᶜˡᵉᵃⁿᵉʳ

I was a Senior Programmer on this game and I still play it off work hours. It's good. Very good.

The Pansexuals Olympics, 20/10 the voice actors sold their roles too well. Blushing and kicking my feet for HOURS thank you!!!! ♥♥♥

realistically i would be too moritified knowing my household items are sentient and aware of my being to do anything but ive always wanted a cat boy inside my house

WHY ARE THERE NO SEX SCENES. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES NO ANIMATIONS OF ME AND MY AIR FRYER HAVING HOT STEAMY SEX.

So I bought this game as a joke. You know—haha wouldn't it be funny if I fell in love with my microwave? Cut to 12 hours later and I'm passionately defending the honor of a sentient table named Abel in a group chat like he’s a real person. Date Everything is exactly what it sounds like: you date everything. Lamps. Alarm clocks. A really mean cactus. The ghost of your student loans. The concept of capitalism (and yes, it flirts back). The game starts with you getting laid off from your job because AI took over. Too real. But then you put on these magical sunglasses (the "Dateviators") and suddenly every object in your house is hot and emotionally available. Except the fridge. The fridge has baggage. Why this game slaps (emotionally): The writing is unhinged in the best way. One minute you’re having a heartfelt convo with a plushie about vulnerability, the next you’re in a love triangle with your bookshelf and your bathroom mirror. Voice acting is STACKED. Like, unnecessarily good. There are characters with maybe six lines who sound like they were voiced by a SAG-AFTRA god. 100+ datable objects and somehow they all have distinct personalities?? I shouldn’t have a favorite chair, but here we are. Stuff to know: It’s a long haul if you’re a completionist. I’ve only “dated” 12 objects and I already feel like I’ve emotionally cheated on several. Some characters are deep and surprising. Others are kind of like, “Hey. I’m a lamp. Wanna kiss?” There’s a handy little phone app in-game to help you track who you’ve dated, which feels weirdly invasive but also helpful. Like a Tinder spreadsheet. Final Thoughts: If you love dating sims but also want to question your sanity, this is for you. If you’ve ever stared too long at your rice cooker and thought, we’d have good vibes, this is DEFINITELY for you. 10/10. Will absolutely ghost the humidifier again. That guy was too clingy.

Played the demo and thought the game was really quirky and cute. Met some interesting dateables during the demo and was looking forward to purchasing the game on release. Well, I bought the game today and played for an hour before I had to request a refund. I don't recall hearing any major cursing/cussing/profanity while playing the demo---but within the first hour of playing the full game my earholes were blasted with the f-bomb a dozen times. I searched for an option to turn it off, even did the "Content Aware" option when it popped, but while raunchy items come with a warning---the language doesn't skip a beat. I suppose I was expecting playful weirdness not profanity overload. As it stands, the tone shift from demo to full game was jarring enough to break the immersion—and my interest.

In love with the bed, friends with the dryer, and flirting with the breaker box. Life is good.

I loved this game. The only thing is that I wish there were nudity, and I don't mean super graphic stuff, but with how much it is hinted at, I feel like it is the next step in a relationship, because sometimes characters need to be intimate with each other to form a better relationship

I was having a good time playing this game until one of the characters put on an offensive British accent, complete with the kind of stupid spellings and stereotype phrases you see in Internet memes ("loike", "awright", "guvna", ect). So glad I paid extra for the deluxe edition just to get insulted and treated as a caricature.

They catfished me with Shadowlord

good game, trying to seduce the trash can but my empathy is to low. I hope one day I can win his heart

I KNEW I WASN'T CRAZY I KNEW THE WALLS COULD TALK

before playing this, i was worried that it wouldn't be worth the price but it 100% is!! PLAY THIS IF U BISEXUAL AND HORNAYYYYYY

I'm starting to think JD Vance had these glasses too. I'd totally sex up my couch. Fantastically weird. Totally recommend for a stupid and fun time.

i need to bang the dirty laundry.

I managed to make my whole household hate me. Didn't know this was a life sim.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I'm gay for a desk and the literal embodiment of nightmares.

I really love the dresser! It truly was just a normal dresser in my bedroom. I really didn't get why it told me the dresser in my bedroom was "weird", given that I can still feel a slight, pleasant tingle in an unspecified region of my body after the delightful and perfectly normal story route I experienced with my dateable and incredible normal bedroom dresser! :) <3 xoxo please send help he's here now god no help me plea-

couldn't date the carpet under my bed so maybe it isn't date everything