Are you serious? This game has a 98% Overwhelmingly Positive reviews and you're looking at the negative comments? Stop wasting your time and get it already!
Are you serious? This game has a 98% Overwhelmingly Positive reviews and you're looking at the negative comments? Stop wasting your time and get it already!
Life was meaningless.
I had no purpose other than to continue my work, the only thing I had ever known. Work had been fun at first, and my boss had seemed nice and rather witty. However after some time, my boss began acting strange. It started with the lying. Then, my boss began to intentionally make my work dangerous. I survived, but only through quick thinking and a bit of luck.
Eventually the everyday grind of navigating my way through a neverending maze lost any appeal. My boss promised me cake when the job was completely done, but it wasn't worth it. I wished for something, anything, even death, that would rid me from this meaningless existence. I was tempted several times to walk infront of a turret or fall into the radioactive slime, but the pain these methods would bring seemed greater than the pain of a meaningless life, so I carried on.
Then one day, my boss had a surprise for me. He had brought me a Companion to assist me in my work. Or more specifically, an Aperature Science Weighted Companion Cube. At first, the Companion Cube assisted me with basic tasks which I nonetheless couldn't have done without it. We rounded a corner and came face to face with a ball of radioactive energy coming straight towards us.
I thought we were doomed, but then the Companion Cube jumped in front of me of its own accord and shielded me from certain death. My mouth dropped, as I imagined the pain the Cube must have been experiencing. My boss said something about "symptoms of enrichment center testing" and "perceiving inanimate objects as alive" but I paid no attention. I knew this was love. I knew this was real.
We continued on together for a while. The Cube was essential in completeing the task my boss had set for me. I tried talking to it, but I received no response. My boss then oddly informed me that the Companion Cube would never threaten to stab me (as if it would ever)...but more importantly he informed me that my Cube was mute. I felt a pang of sadness - not the selfish sadness one feels when they lose something, but the true sadness that is felt when empathizing with another being.
This revelation did not hamper my love for my Cube, my Companion, who had brought happiness and joy into my life, and who had selflessly endured pain to save me from death. After opening the final door which would lead to the elevator I had grown quite familiar with, our boss seemed to congratulate us on our new found compaionship. But then the bos said something which would change my life forever.
"However, cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized. Please escort your Companion Cube to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator."
I gasped in horror, looking across the room and seeing what I now realized must be the Incinerator. I fell to my knees, tears already streaming down my cheeks. I looked at my faithful Companion and proceeded to envelop it in my arms, determined to never let it go.
My boss continued on as if nothing was wrong. "While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."
"You could never be a burden to me!" I cried, and hugged my Companion Cube to my chest. But then I remembered. Although my boss had lied to be at one time, boss had since promised that he could no longer lie to me. I had to finish the testing, or else I would never get the Cake. And if the Cube couldn't come with me...didn't want to come with me...
I hugged it one last time then picked myself up off the floor. I walked slowly, hesitantly, toward the button that would open the incinerator. It took more willpower than I've ever needed to press it. Then I picked up my Companion and held it over the flames. Tears clouded my vision and my hands began to sweat uncontrollably, and not just from the heat. I held it there for what seemed like hours, just crying and admiring its beauty. But then I remember the Cake. And the Cube slipped from my hands.
"You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record," said my boss. "Congratulations."
11/10 would euthanize my Companion at the behest of my boss and all for a piece of cake again.
Are you seriously looking for a bad review about this game? Oh I see you're just lost. Don't worry it's ok. Now do yourself a favor and buy this game, it's worth every cent. Now. Do it now. Buy it, I'm not joking.
Oh how I wish Valve would make more single player games they're really good at it.
Don't get me wrong, Valve's multiplayer games are just as good BUT VALVE REALLY IS AMAZING at making single player games, but sadly there will be no more games from valve single player or multiplayer.
But portal is an amazing game.
9.9/10
Why 9.9 you might ask, because I really wanted that cake.
Oh and I became gay for a cube.
Portal, rather than a game, can be considered a metaphor of life. We wake up every morning with a commanding voice that, like it or not, pushes us to face trials increasingly difficult to get a prize. A voice that we find strange and that we don't know if we could trust. A voice that can come from the outside but also from our own unconscious. We never know if the final prize is real but we are armed of portals. But what are the portals if not the ability to be able to see the world from different perspectives? The portal is the human ability to abstract being able to immerse himself in aspects of the world that had been hidden by the limitations of the senses.
Ok, if you're already confused, I understand.
Just buy the damn game.
You play as the titular character, Portal, in their journey to find the lost city of El Dorado deep within the Mexican wastelands. On their journey, Portal learns what it truly means to fall in love - in a hilarious summer blockbuster that's perfect for the whole family. Fuck Adam Sandler.
Set in an old and abandoned Apple store from hell, Portal is the game that you think it's as easy as it sounds at first, but then realize you feel like an idiot for thinking that the levels are impossible when really you could clear them in a few minutes each. You're promised a cake from Valve's idea of if Shodan from System Shock 2 and HAL 9000 had a baby girl and almost die for it
the only con to this game is that it's too *&%^$(! short
15/10
Are you serious? This game has a 98% Overwhelmingly Positive reviews and you're looking at the negative comments? Stop wasting your time and get it already!
Are you serious? This game has a 98% Overwhelmingly Positive reviews and you're looking at the negative comments? Stop wasting your time and get it already!
Life was meaningless.
I had no purpose other than to continue my work, the only thing I had ever known. Work had been fun at first, and my boss had seemed nice and rather witty. However after some time, my boss began acting strange. It started with the lying. Then, my boss began to intentionally make my work dangerous. I survived, but only through quick thinking and a bit of luck.
Eventually the everyday grind of navigating my way through a neverending maze lost any appeal. My boss promised me cake when the job was completely done, but it wasn't worth it. I wished for something, anything, even death, that would rid me from this meaningless existence. I was tempted several times to walk infront of a turret or fall into the radioactive slime, but the pain these methods would bring seemed greater than the pain of a meaningless life, so I carried on.
Then one day, my boss had a surprise for me. He had brought me a Companion to assist me in my work. Or more specifically, an Aperature Science Weighted Companion Cube. At first, the Companion Cube assisted me with basic tasks which I nonetheless couldn't have done without it. We rounded a corner and came face to face with a ball of radioactive energy coming straight towards us.
I thought we were doomed, but then the Companion Cube jumped in front of me of its own accord and shielded me from certain death. My mouth dropped, as I imagined the pain the Cube must have been experiencing. My boss said something about "symptoms of enrichment center testing" and "perceiving inanimate objects as alive" but I paid no attention. I knew this was love. I knew this was real.
We continued on together for a while. The Cube was essential in completeing the task my boss had set for me. I tried talking to it, but I received no response. My boss then oddly informed me that the Companion Cube would never threaten to stab me (as if it would ever)...but more importantly he informed me that my Cube was mute. I felt a pang of sadness - not the selfish sadness one feels when they lose something, but the true sadness that is felt when empathizing with another being.
This revelation did not hamper my love for my Cube, my Companion, who had brought happiness and joy into my life, and who had selflessly endured pain to save me from death. After opening the final door which would lead to the elevator I had grown quite familiar with, our boss seemed to congratulate us on our new found compaionship. But then the bos said something which would change my life forever.
"However, cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized. Please escort your Companion Cube to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator."
I gasped in horror, looking across the room and seeing what I now realized must be the Incinerator. I fell to my knees, tears already streaming down my cheeks. I looked at my faithful Companion and proceeded to envelop it in my arms, determined to never let it go.
My boss continued on as if nothing was wrong. "While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."
"You could never be a burden to me!" I cried, and hugged my Companion Cube to my chest. But then I remembered. Although my boss had lied to be at one time, boss had since promised that he could no longer lie to me. I had to finish the testing, or else I would never get the Cake. And if the Cube couldn't come with me...didn't want to come with me...
I hugged it one last time then picked myself up off the floor. I walked slowly, hesitantly, toward the button that would open the incinerator. It took more willpower than I've ever needed to press it. Then I picked up my Companion and held it over the flames. Tears clouded my vision and my hands began to sweat uncontrollably, and not just from the heat. I held it there for what seemed like hours, just crying and admiring its beauty. But then I remember the Cake. And the Cube slipped from my hands.
"You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record," said my boss. "Congratulations."
11/10 would euthanize my Companion at the behest of my boss and all for a piece of cake again.
Are you seriously looking for a bad review about this game? Oh I see you're just lost. Don't worry it's ok. Now do yourself a favor and buy this game, it's worth every cent. Now. Do it now. Buy it, I'm not joking.
Oh how I wish Valve would make more single player games they're really good at it.
Don't get me wrong, Valve's multiplayer games are just as good BUT VALVE REALLY IS AMAZING at making single player games, but sadly there will be no more games from valve single player or multiplayer.
But portal is an amazing game.
9.9/10
Why 9.9 you might ask, because I really wanted that cake.
Oh and I became gay for a cube.
Portal, rather than a game, can be considered a metaphor of life. We wake up every morning with a commanding voice that, like it or not, pushes us to face trials increasingly difficult to get a prize. A voice that we find strange and that we don't know if we could trust. A voice that can come from the outside but also from our own unconscious. We never know if the final prize is real but we are armed of portals. But what are the portals if not the ability to be able to see the world from different perspectives? The portal is the human ability to abstract being able to immerse himself in aspects of the world that had been hidden by the limitations of the senses.
Ok, if you're already confused, I understand.
Just buy the damn game.
You play as the titular character, Portal, in their journey to find the lost city of El Dorado deep within the Mexican wastelands. On their journey, Portal learns what it truly means to fall in love - in a hilarious summer blockbuster that's perfect for the whole family. Fuck Adam Sandler.
Set in an old and abandoned Apple store from hell, Portal is the game that you think it's as easy as it sounds at first, but then realize you feel like an idiot for thinking that the levels are impossible when really you could clear them in a few minutes each. You're promised a cake from Valve's idea of if Shodan from System Shock 2 and HAL 9000 had a baby girl and almost die for it
the only con to this game is that it's too *&%^$(! short
15/10
