>Begin game as Grey-looking reptile people >Fanatic Materialist/Xenophiles >Begin spreading across my side of the galaxy >Eventually find primitive turtle people >Set up observation post and generally forget about them >Encounter bug people >Bug people are incredibly aggressive and have a lot of guns >Not as advanced as me but have 5 times as many ships as I do >They want my outer colonies >"Fuck you, get your own" >They don't like being told "fuck you, get your own" and proceed to overrun my colonies >Realize I'm heavily boned unless I get more help >Remember turtle people, lightbulb.jpg >Uplift entire race and make them my vassal >Tell them to "BEAT THOSE FUCKERS TO DEATH!" >"duh...ok boss" >Turtle men have terrible ship power, but are completely awesome in ground assaults >Use my ships to guard them as they lay waste to the bug people >Eventually take my colonies back, and then I bring the fight to the bug people >"Please stop this! W-w-we didn't mean it!" >"Nope, you started this fight, and I'm going to end it" >Use combined forces of me and my turtle people to completely wipe out the bugs >Every other race is disgusted with my actions, but I'm content >Use resources from bug people to create a mighty galactic empire >Turtle people given some worlds too >"Duh, boss turtle people want more worlds" >"Here, let me show you the amount of fucks I give, see? It's a zero" >Turtle people rebel >This time have giant armada and resources from bug people >Completely genocide the turtle people >MFW I realize I just re-enacted the Rachni Wars

-Play as a Reptile race -Find Earth near my starting position -Build observation post -infiltrate human goverment -annex them 10/10 for realism

Edit 3: Utopia is out! check the third story down for content on that DLC. The story of my people -I made shroom men who were intelligent, hated sex, but lived forever and a half -Goverment = MINE MINE MINE MIEENEENEMENIEN (And science) -Meet bird men with big guns -Become friends of bird men -Meet evil imposter shrooms -Tell bird men that the shrooms took their eggs -Bird men get an army of 500 warships and devour the shrooms -Many years later, I am the dominant shroom race, backed by 4 Bird races who all hate egg stealing shrooms 10/10 would blackmail shroomkind again The story of the Enslar -decided to have evil, warlike, and slave loving hydra people -discovered two harmless industrial era people near me -boosted them to space age, captured them, then enslaved them -200 years later, I feel happy with the bird ones, so I free them -my king gets assassinated, his child burned, my planets blown up, and all I can see is that slaves face -RELOAD -time for mass genocide! -I am now king of the Galaxy, using the power of reloads to mass genocide entire species 10/10 would become time traveling Hitler again The story of the Nerd Army -Am blue people of space -like tech and money -tech and money aliens south of me, god fearing rapists above -am very small empire, very few planets -suddenly boom expansion through sectors -surround my neighbors -tech boom, now all the weak nerdlings in my empire are giant Gundam mech people -god raping zealots call me a heretic -U WOT M8 -I get in my mega mech suits and start running down their planets -suddenly they achieve nirvana -am fucked anally by mega zealot fleet 10/10 would try disproving god with anime again Edit: Yesterday, I had 0 likes, 0 funnies. Today, I have almost 500 of each. Because of this, I will periodically add new stories to this review as I play the game, simply because you are all sadistic mindless zombies who like reading stories of other's demise. You all disgust me almost as much as I disgust myself. Edit 2: Well, I became addicted very quickly. Also, this review is apparently extremely popular, so here's my opinion; Get this game if you like Spore, Sid Miers Civilization, most space strategy titles, or any grand strategy game.

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=152166.msg7057493#msg7057493 To quote a friend: It's like you met this girl on a dating site and you two seemed to hit it off really well. From her pictures she looked super fit and she seemed to carry herself off well. Not to mention you got to talk to her friends and they made you think she was great. When you decide to meet however, turns out she doesn't have money for the cab fare to get there so after some hesitation you decide to just pay for that. She arrives. She looks pretty but she's shallow and extremely materialistic. You get the feeling she's not all there. She's fun to be with at first, but soon you realize two things. One, she seems to be just repeating what people have said before. Two, she's actually only 14-years-old. You were just completely bedazzled initially by her looks to notice. So after an awkward first conta- meeting, you finally drop her back off at her place. You're feeling a bit regretful at the whole affair and kinda want your cab fare back (along with the other expenses she managed to accrue along the way). The door opens and 'lo and behold. Her dad is there. It's motherfucking Crusader Kings II. He's shirtless, abs glistening with sweat like he just finished another exhilarating workout. Hair parted in that perfect way that accentuates his perfect face. his eyes brimming with the spark and wisdom of age. He smiles a bit at you, knowingly with a dash of smugness that comes across as just beautiful in every way. There are a few scars on his chest which mark the signs of his intense battle to get to where he is. His hand decorated with the blood of the heathen. His magnificent DEUS VULT under the towel that he greets you in, huge in size and bursting with... DLC. You take another look at Stellaris. She eyes you coquettishly, though you can't help but remind yourself how young she is, especially when compared to her father. You realize what she might be when she becomes an adult, her pedigree might take her far. But for now, you toss Stellaris into the bushes and jump into the arms of Crusader Kings II.

"12.4 hrs on record" It's currently 13 hours after release. Draw your own conclusions. Since many of you wanted something of substance, Here's a little thing I threw together. The game itself shows kinship to 4x games, you’re a new civ on the block with one planet and big dreams. To expand your people to the stars. You’ll soon meet some other races, and realize your destiny to is befriend/ trade with / ignore/ exploit/ exterminate these new creatures. As you expand through use of colonies and strategically placed flags (also called frontier outposts by the humorless), you will work towards your goals for (insert goals here). This expansion will not go unnoticed, and you’re sure to make enemies and friends among the other races you’ve encountered, whose visual appearance has almost no bearing on their preferred world. (Personally my closest ally is a bunch of Sea-warthogs, and I’m also trading partners with a race of desert penguins) Combat is interesting. The number below your fleet tells you an idea of it’s strength, but not the whole story. You’d be tempted to think like CK2 or EU, where if you have the larger force and a good general you’re generally come out on top. But that’s not the case here. Just ask the 1st fleet of the United Nations of Earth. Armed to the teeth with anti-matter missiles, and assisted by several dozen ships of our fungi allies, up against a force less than 70% of their size. You actually can’t ask them. They’re all pretty dead. Point defenses turned out to be pretty good at point defense. So remember to not put all your eggs in one basket. Or Spores in one pouch, as the fungi say. Some missiles, some laser, spread the wealth. Diplomacy is fairly straight forward. You get along better with races that have similar morals to your own, and especially xenophiles in general, but through enough effort you can even getting along with xenophobes. (Those desert penguins mentioned above are kind of racists, but we get along alright). Embassies are a big help. Alliances can be pretty easily formed with those you get along with, and are a great way to both protect yourself and to make offensive wars easier. When declaring war as part of an alliance everyone has to approve it. This is made easier by distributing the war goals amongst the members. Basically a planet to the sea hogs, a liberation to the fungi, etc. Thankfully defensive wars are automatic. You can’t leave them hanging. The science and tech tree is a bit different from most because it’s not really a tree. It’s a set of cards you draw that you ‘draw’ three from and then decide which to work on. But my favorite part is definitely the science ships. You’re essentially playing as the Enterprise, boldly going where no one has gone before(star trek theme plays here). You’ll run into all sorts of anomalies that require investigation. Sometimes it’s a whole story line about precursors, sometimes it’s just an old cruiser stuck on a planet. Sometimes you run into a system full of million year old mining drones and have to book it. It keeps things interesting. The random events are very much what we’ve come to expect from paradox. A perfect mix of good writing and humor. Even the ol’ comet event comes around in it’s orbit. TLDR: It’s a really interesting take on 4x that is everything you should expect from Paradox, and sure to get better with time, and DLCs. A little difficult to learn at first but better than their other games. TLDR-2: Just play it.

Edit: As of writing this review, I have 20 hours logged in Stellaris. Stellaris has been out for 29 hours. This is the story of those 20 hours. My friends and I all arranged to play stellaris together on release. I didn't know what to play until I remembered that happiness is a core game mechanic - unhappy people rebel, happy people don't. I don't want rebellions, those make people even more unhappy. If I took "Spiritualist," I'd get a nice 5% bonus to happiness. Even better, if I grabbed "Fanatic Spiritualist" I'd get a whopping 10% bonus to happiness and wouldn't have to worry about rebellions ever. It wasn't deep enough. I found the communal trait, which adds +5% happiness, and the charismatic trait, which gives everyone on a planet a +1% happiness bonus for every member of my race on that same planet. I had to go deeper I found out that by balancing my racial attributes, national ethics, and even my form of government, I was able to get a total +25% boost to my happiness. I ended up as a fanatically spiritual, pacifistic race of charming people who just like getting along with everyone. To top it off, I found the most fitting racial portrait - a classic grey alien, the kind you see in all of those old movies and tv clips about "Alien abductions." Classic grays, but with a big, doofy grin slapped permanently across their faces. My friends all started on the opposite side of the galaxy from me, so I was stuck surrounded in a sea of AI. It didn't matter what I did, my people remained happy. I manipulated my neighbors and pitted them against each other for my own gain. I created a superalliance with my angry fungus neighbors and invaded the birds who were restricting my movement, distributing them across my empire while stripping away their power and influence even on their homeworld. I shipped them across my empire, balancing them with my own grinning populace across the empire - we live on the same kind of world, after all. And we were all so, so happy. But we needed more friends. So I found some primitives, who hadn't achieved spaceflight yet. I set up a research post and began lightly observing them. Then, of course, I began the process of bringing them up to speed with the rest of the galactic community. I then genetically modified the boars to be just as happy as we are. This is where this game is, now: My friends are politicking on the other side of the galaxy, making and breaking alliances in power struggles that send ripples far enough that I've seen their effects over in my corner of the galaxy, where I've spent my time well: genetically modifying the subjugated aliens of my empire to be happy, just like us. Thanks to this game, I have been awake for 40 hours and it's finals week. And I have no regrets. Update from 5/11: I managed to explore around an unexplored chunk of the outer rim, finding several of my friends. Meanwhile, I enlightened 2 more species and was working on a 3rd when we saved and quit. They were fully integrated into my empire very quickly but we only bothered to modify one of them, as the other was naturally happy. My alliance with the angry fungus was expanded with the addition of my super-xenophile cat-neighbors. Fully 1/3 of the galaxy's cat-people population quickly migrated to my planets and set out being so productive and so happy as a result of being surrounded by my people that engineering them would actually be a waste of resources. The Alien loving cats, the angry fungus, and I all immediately set about molding our corner of the galaxy's nations to mirror our own by invading them and "liberating" all of their planets under new governments we set up to be more sympathetic to our ethics. The entire time my friends were wailing, moaning, and there was much gnashing of teeth as they were slowly ground down by a non-player Empire that was consistently thrashing their armies until, after 15 years of war, they managed to research better shield systems to counter their powerful lasers and turn the tide of the war and secure them a white peace. My friend Joe wasn't so lucky and couldn't secure an alliance with the rest of my friends on their side of the galaxy before the same non-player empire declared war on Joe, took one planet, liberated another under its own new government, and vassalized him. That's when we saved and quit until next time: In summary: I'm slowly increasing in power and enlightening more races into blissful happiness as my friends are at constantly at war and Joe is getting vassalized by non-player empires.

-Started my empire as ruthless iron fist human commander. -Conquer my way into the galaxy wiping out from existance all civilizations that were introduced to me with the "fuck you, we are superior to your pathetic civilization, but maybe we can trade with what little you have, fucking peasant" intro dialogue. -Just finishing my most recent campaign against the reptilian "you can´t cross our borders unless you pay us, fucking peasant" empire. When i found a primitive civilization that look like.... ¿turtles?. -So i decide to protect it and share all my knowledge with them making them my space pets.... i mean..... "vassals" yeah that. -The turtle empire joins the galactic space races and starts to investigate AI tech and starts creating synths to do the hard work for them because turtles are lazy apparently.. -The AI gains conscience realizes that it's working for a civilization of lazy turtles and starts a rebellion. -All synths across the galaxy start killing all organic life forms. -WHAT THE HELL, THE SYNTHS ARE WIPING OUT THE WHOLE GALAXY. -I manage to destroy all synths within the turtle empire, the other civilizations weren't so lucky. -The synths aka terminators change course to the turtle homeworld and starts destroying their worlds. -IF SOMEONE IS GOING TO KILL MY TURTLES ITS GONNA BE ME MOTHERFUCKERS. -I charge with all my ships and troops against the synths. -I get fucked by the synths and they start attacking my worlds leaving my turtles alone. -I´m seconds from losing the game when my turtles charge against the synth fleet. -The turtles buy me some time to rebuild my defenses but get wiped out in the process. -The synths finish destroying all the other strong empires and start attacking me again. -I built a time machine in my imagination. -travel back in time aka reloaded save many years back when I just found the turtle civilization. -Exterminate them so they cannot build the synths that will destroy the Galaxy. -Moved 1 turtle population to my home system because I'm an emotional guy, before destroying the last turtle population. -I will always remember you space turtles. 10/10 would save the galaxy by destroying my friends again.

We are the Blorg. You will be befriended. Resistance is impolite.

This game and its designers are evil. Unlike, say, Civilization, where you can fool yourself with platitudes like "just one more turn", this game has no turns. There is no "one more turn". There is "one more hour". And before you know it you're giving the keys to your three year old and telling her to drive herself to school, just stop for red lights and she'll be fine.

-Get game -Make Space Turtle republic -Start colonizing -Discover non-turtles next door -Befriend non-turtles -Get enclosed by other empires -Develop mines and colonize all the planets in my territory -Get rich and have a ton of minerals and energy credits -Use minerals and energy to become a massive bank -Watch as the galaxy goes to war -No one declares war on me 10/10 would be Space Switzerland again.

im british and this helps me with my colonial urges

-decide to start up a game as the glorious Trump Empire as a divine mandate autocracy -after 50 years of colonizing, exploring and enslaving I come across a primitive species going through the iron age that looks to have the consistancy of taco bell beef...so logically I dubbed them space mexicans. -After enlightening the space mexicans in the art of the orbital bombardment I enslave their entire race and send them off to work my farms and mines. -Shortly after some other nation with Divine Mandate declares war on me...I've found space ISIS. -Space ISIS has a decent fleet but they were simply no match for the wall...which happened to be made of about 20+ battleships with quantum missiles. -After I utterly obiliterate ISIS all the way back to space mecca I get around to advancing my empire to a trancendent empire and as a result ruler Donald Trump is now regarded as God Emperor Donald Trump. 10/10, would make space great again.

In space no one can hear you genocide. 10/10

The other races laughed at my spiritualist beliefs I laughed at their extinction

Finally! a game in which you can become space Hitler an interstellar colonist trading with alien races! In which you can systematically oppress and purge manage your population and at the same time produce a military for killing the weak defending the Galaxy!

It's alright i suppose, need to put in a few more hours just to be sure tho

Day 1: *Me and a friend started a multiplayer campaign. I created a race of sentient jellyfishes that just wanted slaves and that everyone join the Jelly Overmind. My friend created a race of birds. *All of my neighbours hate me. I try to find my friends and manage to do it after three hours of gameplay. *Enslave all the things. Day 2: * Race that do not like me starts a war we can not win. I become a vassal. Swear revenge. * My friend and her birds defeats my new owner and I become her vassal. * I'm no vassal no more. And slowly we realise to left and right that we can't move out without war. But at least we now have a better economy than ever before. *Rebellion on two of my planets. Solving it by enslaving the entire population. *A ancient race keeps humiliating me for the fun of it. We mass an army and strike them down. *The jelly Overmind's economy rises! Enslaves all the ancient race's planets. *"the bright alliance" really do not like us and declares war. Day 3: *We are winning the war. The fleet is strong and is destroying our enemies. Our enemies are annoying and just blow up space ports and escapes. * Friend notice the enemy have gates near our systems. That is why they are moving so fast. I click my army to destroy one. * Apparently the click just made them use the gate. My entire army teleports into where the enemy have their biggest army. *The jelly overmind have no fleet anymore. *I give them a planet and the war ends. *We start building better ships and a bigger army. Declare war again as the enemy is busy with another war. *We destroy the enemy and takes hold of all their vassals. Day 4: *Only thing that remains in the galaxy is some wannabe zerg beholders. We clean them out. *Friend realises the only person left for any of us to win is the other. *The Jelly overmind starts making ships as the awkward silence rises on Discord. *Friend leaves alliance. *Friends sends request to become vassal THE JELLYOVERMIND RULES THE GALAXY! WE ARE NOW ALL ONE! A++ experience. Would play again.

Started the game wanting to play as a xenophile empire and explore the wonders of the galaxy and expand my borders through friendly diplomacy, 400 years into the future and my empire sends thousands of ships daily to the meat grinder fighting in an endless war on all sides against filthy xeno scum, eldtrich horrors from beyond the void and even fucking space skynet terminators. Started out as the Federation from startrek but ended up as the Imperium of man from warhammer 40k.

I just conquered a planet full of weird snail people who hate everyone after they revolted from my empire 20 years ago. I enslaved them all, installed a governor of my kind, and forbid them to reproduce. Then I landed a massive army on the planet to make sure they stay in line. Now I'll just work them till their dead and install my own species on the planet. This is the greatest game ever.

Need to be self-isolated for 14 days? Here is your fix!