SteamCritique
Quiz
🌐 English
7 Days to Die7 Days to Die
I don't know. I'm going to need a few more hours to decide how I feel about this game.
1359 votes funny
I don't know. I'm going to need a few more hours to decide how I feel about this game.
1359 votes funny
This game is: 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, 100% reason to purchase the game.
1354 votes funny
before I play this game, this game was in early access, i had no girlfriend, small penIs....after 600 hours playing it, nothing changed but the game is good!
1219 votes funny
Day 1 - Got attacked and almost killed on my first night. Then I went Rambo. Fought my way out and ran to a house. Hid in the attic until the sun came up. Day 2 - Found a few weapons and some rudimentary armor in the house next door. And the upper half of the owner. Gotta stay mobile until I find a place to settle in and make it defensible. Day 5 - Snuck around and scavenged houses for food and potable water. No sign of...people. Am I the last one alive? Day 10 - Found an abandoned military outpost. Made a door and barricaded myself inside of the largest tent for now. Will scavenge the surrounding area during daylight only. Night of the 10th day - They're everywhere. Oh God. They walk right by my tent. I'm cowering in a corner behind a desk with a pistol and a wooden club that I wrapped in some scrap iron. Only 15 rounds of 9mm for the pistol. I hope that they don't decide to tear the tent down around me. Day 11 - Began collecting resources. I think that I'll try sleeping tonight. Day 12 - They woke me up 2 times, but never took notice of me. I'm glad that I don't snore. Day 25 - Have been fortifying my position, dug a trench to trap the undead. Only the "Spider Zombies" can get out. I need to contain them somehow. Day 50 - Currently I have a fortress surrounded by metal tipped log spike traps 3 deep so they can't escape. Then I just stand on my roof and snipe the spider zombies. Collect loot and smile. I think that I'll be ok. Day 79 - Been farming. Food is plentiful now. Weapons and ammo are easy to make. I built my fortress on top of a deposit of iron, lead and potassium nitrate, with coal deposits poking out of the ground all around me! What luck! Day 1?? - There's no end to them. I heard a scream the other night. Not one of them. It sounded...human. Female. Close. By the time I made it outside at first light, all I found was a pool of blood and entrails a half mile from my fortress. Next to the carnage I found a purse with some pictures of a pretty young blonde lady with a cheerleading outfit on in one picture, in another she was in an expensive looking dress cuddled up to who was probably the star quarterback at her high school. The last picture was her with what must have been her family on vacation at an expensive looking beach house. They looked so happy. Her driver's license said that her name was Cindy Batross and she was 17 years old. There was a notepad with illegible scribbles and crude drawings of people eating each other. I cried as I realized that she saw my lights and was desperately trying to make it to the safety of my home. What may have been my only hope for companionship was now in the rotting stomach of the undead. Stardate 4/20 Delta V - Venison stew is good. It's lonely here. I found pictures in houses and I talk to the nice people in them. You want to be my friend, Jimmy? Ok. I promise that I won't chew on your bones. Day whatever - What was that noise? They scratch inside my skull sometimes. I saw the cheerleader. She doesn't have a stomach anymore, but she walks around with a little smile on her face and coos sometimes. Then she screams when I try to talk to her from my roof. Maybe I should let her in. Maybe she just wants to be friends. Night time now. She didn't want to be friends. Only my iron helmet kept her from chewing my face off. I cut her head off with my hunting knife. She didn't have any manners at all. Hump Day - I sewed her head back on and sat her in a chair. We talked for hours while I cooked some vension stew for us. She's nice, but a little cold. I hope that she's on the pill. Year of the Rat - I caught that bitch Cindy looking at one of the other guys in the photos today. She denied it, but I know there's something going on while I'm out risking my life for us. Ungrateful bitch. Judgement Day - Cindy had to go. I had no choice. I had told her too much about Mrs. Doubtfire and she was plotting a coup to reap the benefits of our trade agreement with the rabbits. I loved her, but now her bones are scattered in the ashes. The Day I Die - Spent the last 30 winters here. I lost my mind a long time ago, though I regained some of my faculties after much reflection. I can no longer keep up with my home. It's only a matter of time before they break through. I never did find anyone else. No one came. The supply drops stopped long ago. I can only assume that the rest of the world succumbed to this hellish plague. The undead continue to march in all directions. I have stockpiled a large amount of explosive devices, guns and ammo. Tonight I will open the bridge to my door for them and when they are clamoring to peel my flesh from my bones, I'll let them in. The world will see the last survivor, not dying peacefully in my sleep, but raging against the darkness in one last epic battle. But I won't let them kill me. When it's finally hopeless, I'm going out on my own terms. Let them eat what is left of this shell after my spirit departs. Those damned fools won't make me one of them. My life is over. I can hear them now. There must be close to a hundred. It's time to face my fate. Here I come, Cindy. I'm sorry for everything. NOTE: This is a dramatization of in game events and doesn't represent actual game play. Don't get me wrong, the game is amazing and I can't wait to see where they take it for the end game. BUT, this little story was entirely made up in my head based on my experiences in the game and a fateful first encounter with a cheerleader zombie that seriously freaked me out. And based on the positive comments so far, I may turn this into a short story. Update 7/21/15: I've managed a plot that I can mold as more content is released and have been working on a solid beginning to explain just "appearing" as if from nowhere in Navezgane amidst the carnage. It should please quite a few fans of the survival horror genre. I'm not looking to invest a lot of time into a project that won't yield any revenue, so a very short story will set the bar and sway my decision to pursue a published work (with TFP's blessing, of course) in the future. I'll see how well it is received here and on some FanFic sites first. But rest assured, it's in the works as you read this text. Stay safe, survivors. And happy hunting! Update 9/19/23: I've been made aware that the review at https://steamcommunity.com/id/DirtyDeedsDone4DirtCheap/recommended/251570/ is plagiarizing my review and thus my intellectual property in the form of this dramatized, short story in order to farm awards. Please help me by reporting said review and player so that I can find some justice. Thank you.
1188 votes funny
I found an ak47 before food. I felt like a child in Congo.
1165 votes funny
> Got 6 wood planks > Made wood chest > Broke wood chest > got 8 wood planks 10/10 would chest again
972 votes funny
I found an AK-47 before food. I felt like a child in Congo
808 votes funny
the title is misleading it only took me 9 minutes to die
785 votes funny
Misleading Marketing. I have had this game for several years and I am still alive.
770 votes funny
Detroit Simulator 2015.
717 votes funny
It has been 10 years since I played this as a kid, and now I'm a married man, and this game is still on alpha early access.
711 votes funny
It's ok, I guess. Can't rate it just yet, I need to play more to really get an idea.
710 votes funny
Drank water. Ate some food. Got diarrhea. Got dehydrated from diarrhea. Died. Did this about 50 more times till I found a gun. Built a base. Was gifted a motorcycle. Now i cruise around the map listening to ACDC while drinking water. Eating food. Getting Diarrhea. Getting dehydrated. And Dying Its like Minecraft, Rust, and Dayz had a threesome, but no one knows who the real father is. 10/10
689 votes funny
Eat glass to instantly teleport home.
679 votes funny
-Wake up -Cut some wood -Stack some wood -Stack some more wood -Look up to see you've made a fortress -Look at your play time: 65 hours -Sob quietly 15/10 Recommend
609 votes funny
So me and a friend were off exploring, it started to get dark so we busted into a house, stuck a finger up at the zombies shambling towards us as we hacked out the stairs and retreated to the attic. After congratulating ourselves profusely on outsmarting the undead, we proceeded to start talking about life in general, and memories of times past, Whilst the zombies screamed and raged downstairs. after a while my friend asks me.. "Dude, whats that noise?" "Dunno man, sounds like something is falling down" I pull out a candle, to be greeted with the view of house collapsing around us, after a moment of pure perplexion, me and my friend fall through the floor into a moaning sea of zombies. I made a dash to the door, thinking that i was going to make it, whilst the sreams of my half eaten friend rang in my ears, but just as i got to the precipice of salvation, the remainder of the house fell on my cowardly ass and squished me. 10/10, would get crushed by house again
516 votes funny
Played this game a little bit and it's pretty good. Edit 26/02/25 - Played a little bit more and can still recommend. Once you are done with vanilla there are a load of mods that make for a fresh play through.
492 votes funny
-Built a little house -Saw and Airdrop -Got to the airdrop and got a broken sniper rifle and ammo -looked around and saw a westernish town nearby -looted some buildings -saw a building with a gun safe, it was behind concrete walls and iron bars -Used my axe to get in trough the roof -Got a book about guns, a .44 magnum with 36 shots, a 9mm with 15 shots, and some weapon parts -starved to death because I couldn't get out. 11/10 Lets you do what you want and face the consequences
464 votes funny
Day 1: You cry the in the corner of an attic, while eating dog foods. Day 240: You are eating venison stews like a king in your impenetrable fortress. jk Nope, Day 3: u broke your leg, walking limp, then shred to bits by a pack of dogs. and all that in HD now
462 votes funny
Day 1: Spawned into the desert. Found a gun and killed zombies. Day 2: Found other players, they also had guns. Didn't kill me. Day 3: Made house with other players. They locked me out for a night. Day 7: Went into a town with the group. One guy died and everyone else survived. Day 15: Got locked in a room and told to take all my stuff off. Day 17: Held at gunpoint and forced to pray to the moon god. Day 22: Almost starved, no water for a week. About to die, thinking about the town. Day 23: Hear explosions are gun shots. Door opens and a stranger emerges. He frees me. I ask to aid him and he agrees. Day 35: We're raiding a shopping centre and then a group surrounds us. We're taken hostage. Day 37: Building I'm taken hostage in gets destroyed- Falls on top of me. 10/10 Would get taken again.
410 votes funny
Day 1: Almost got killed by some wild zombies, had nothing but a wooden club to defend myself. Hid in the attic of a house until daylight came. Day 2: Ate some cat food, found a pistol, continued to search for a safe place to live in. Day 3: Found a motel, cleared out all the zombies and blocked up the gate. Day 4: Reinforced the fences and walls. Day 5: Set up traps and spikes around the motel. Day 6: The defense became pretty solid, started my own farm. Day 7: Found a computer that's still working and started playing 7 days to die. It's as good as the real world zombie apocalypse.
378 votes funny
It's fun. A17 update has ruined this game, RIP.
364 votes funny
it said 7 days wtf why did it take 10 minutes
363 votes funny
First spawn, killed by pig. Second spawn, killed by same pig. Third spawn, found blunderbuss and murdered pig. 10/10
346 votes funny
Live underneath gas station, in a hole that I dug out with a shovel made of rocks. Only leave in the mornings to scavenge through trash for food, so that I do not have to contend with zombies using the aforementioned shovel made of rocks... 10/10 I have accepted this as my life now.
343 votes funny

Top 100

  • Black Myth: Wukong
  • Lethal Company
  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II
  • EA SPORTS FIFA 23
  • Palworld
  • Lost Ark
  • Battlefield 2042
  • 鬼谷八荒 Tale of Immortal
  • Sons Of The Forest
  • ELDEN RING
  • Halo Infinite
  • Battlefield V
  • The Sims 4
  • NARAKA: BLADEPOINT
  • Red Dead Redemption 2
  • Apex Legends
  • Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout
  • Cyberpunk 2077
  • NBA 2K20
  • Baldur's Gate 3
  • Destiny 2
  • New World: Aeternum
  • Hogwarts Legacy
  • Among Us
  • Grand Theft Auto IV: Complete Edition
  • Last Epoch
  • Valheim
  • Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice - GOTY Edition
  • Ring of Elysium
  • Phasmophobia
  • Raft
  • Risk of Rain 2
  • Hunt: Showdown 1896
  • Monster Hunter: World
  • PUBG: BATTLEGROUNDS
  • HELLDIVERS 2
  • World of Warships
  • Black Squad
  • Life is Strange 2
  • Satisfactory
  • Human Fall Flat
  • World of Tanks Blitz
  • Paladins
  • VRChat
  • Z1 Battle Royale
  • Wallpaper Engine
  • Street Warriors Online
  • Stardew Valley
  • SMITE
  • Dead by Daylight
  • Fallout 4
  • Hollow Knight
  • Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Siege
  • ARK: Survival Evolved
  • Don't Starve Together
  • Geometry Dash
  • Unturned
  • Trove
  • Robocraft
  • The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
  • Brawlhalla
  • Sid Meier’s Civilization VI
  • No Man's Sky
  • Serena
  • Grand Theft Auto V
  • Mount & Blade II: Bannerlord
  • Cities: Skylines
  • Rocket League
  • Rust
  • 7 Days to Die
  • The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth
  • The Forest
  • Dying Light
  • Path of Exile
  • War Thunder
  • Warframe
  • Heroes & Generals
  • Euro Truck Simulator 2
  • DayZ
  • Grim Dawn
  • PAYDAY 2
  • Castle Crashers
  • Project Zomboid
  • Arma 3
  • Terraria
  • The Tiny Bang Story
  • Sid Meier's Civilization V
  • Garry's Mod
  • Counter-Strike: Global Offensive
  • Portal 2
  • Dota 2
  • Left 4 Dead 2
  • Team Fortress 2
  • Half-Life 2: Lost Coast
  • Half-Life 2: Deathmatch
  • Counter-Strike: Source
  • Half-Life 2
  • Half-Life
  • Ricochet
  • Counter-Strike

Specials

  • Counter-Strike 2
  • DOOM: The Dark Ages
  • Schedule I
  • Clair Obscur: Expedition 33
  • Marvel Rivals
  • The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Remastered
  • HELLDIVERS™ 2
  • R.E.P.O.
  • Destiny 2
  • Stellaris
  • Warframe
  • Dead by Daylight
  • Cyberpunk 2077
  • Apex Legends™
  • Baldur's Gate 3
  • The Elder Scrolls® Online
  • Rust
  • NBA 2K25
  • Drive Beyond Horizons
  • War Thunder
  • Limbus Company
  • Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six® Siege
  • Kingdom Come: Deliverance II
  • PUBG: BATTLEGROUNDS
  • Once Human
  • The Sims™ 4
  • THRONE AND LIBERTY
  • The Precinct
  • Path of Exile 2
  • ELDEN RING

Top Sellers

  • DOOM: The Dark Ages
  • Counter-Strike 2
  • HELLDIVERS™ 2
  • Clair Obscur: Expedition 33
  • Marvel Rivals
  • Stellar Blade™
  • Limbus Company
  • The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Remastered
  • Schedule I
  • Destiny 2
  • The Precinct
  • ELDEN RING NIGHTREIGN
  • Stellaris
  • Dead by Daylight
  • Cyberpunk 2077
  • Apex Legends™
  • Warframe
  • The Elder Scrolls® Online
  • Cubic Odyssey
  • R.E.P.O.
  • PUBG: BATTLEGROUNDS
  • NBA 2K25
  • Dune: Awakening
  • Drive Beyond Horizons
  • War Thunder
  • Baldur's Gate 3
  • Capcom Fighting Collection 2
  • Kingdom Come: Deliverance II
  • The Sims™ 4

Featured

  • ELDEN RING NIGHTREIGN - Deluxe Upgrade Pack
  • ELDEN RING NIGHTREIGN
  • SAEKO: Giantess Dating Sim
  • CraftCraft: Fantasy Merchant Simulator
  • Car Dealer Simulator
  • Call of Duty®: Black Ops 6 - BlackCell (Season 04)
  • Union of Gnomes
  • Dragon Song Tavern: Cozy & Adventurous
  • Nice Day for Fishing
  • SKETCHY MASSAGE
  • Guilty as Sock!
  • Kabuto Park
  • My Bimbo Dream - Season 1
  • 9 Kings
  • Duck Detective: The Ghost of Glamping
  • Windward Horizon
  • LISC - Season 1
  • Blacksmith Master
  • Haste
  • Cattle Country
  • Snacko