SteamCritique
Quiz
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RustRust
Running around naked, screaming and bashing people with rocks is the best way to spend my day. Then I play Rust and get to do it again.
4327 votes funny
Running around naked, screaming and bashing people with rocks is the best way to spend my day. Then I play Rust and get to do it again.
4327 votes funny
I found an AK-47 before I found food, I felt like a child in Congo. 10/10 would play again.
4143 votes funny
>Playing Rust by myself >50ft from my base >harvesting metal ore, minding my own business >lifeisgood.rar >suddenly, BANG! >I am kill >respawn in base, peek out window >3 hazmat-suit wearing players approach my base >two carry Thompsons, while one carries a bolt-action rifle >they had killed me with the rifle outside my base >they are moving in to raid my base >my body is lost >meh, only had some random shit I got while harvesting >I realize they are about to blow into base with C4 >prepareforbattle.exe >grab only weapon I can find in my base at the time >its called an eoka pistol >a real Weapon of Mass Destruction >Its a metal tube with a handle, loaded with a shotgun shell >to fire, you smash a rock against the thing until BANG.mp3 >anyway, back to story >my base is designed with a circular ring surrounding the center room where my loot is stored >to get to my loot room, they must blast through two separate walls >I enter the loot room and shut the door >hear a series of blasts as they break into the ring surrounding the loot room >I hear the first wall come down and then footsteps >they are inside the ring >all part of my plan >timeforcounterattack.bat >I quietly slip out of the loot room and into the outer ring >I'm on the opposite side of the base as them >Move towards them, crouching so no noise >Hear a blast along the way, they have planted 1/3 C4 required to take down 2nd wall >the time has come >I creep around the corner, eoka pistol in hand >there they are >they are focused on the wall, away from me >they are about to detonate 2nd C4 >I come up behind one of them >smack eoka pistol with a rock >makes a noise, but he doesn't have time to react >he turns and looks at me, realizing in horror what is happening >1/2 second later, I hit pistol for the 3rd time >huge bang, he is dead >other two mow me down with Thompsons >I respawn in center room, decide next course of action >Look in one of my chests I neglected to check while searching for weapons >there it is >my glorious AK47 >grab it and some bullets, and charge outside >one of them is still in my base, I easily dispatch him >I took a thompson round, but still alive >2nd one is outside, waiting for his slain comrade to teleport to him >mow him down, and I repair my walls >loot bodies, find 5 C4 >jackpot >I realize that they are likely to come back at this point, with butthurt levels over 9000 >I have to take out the problem at it's source >grab anti-radiation shirt off one >did i mention that while i was mowing them down, I was still completely naked >I go out for their base, as it's nearby >I silently approach the wall, C4 ready >hear them bustling around inside getting ready to attack me again >they are jabbering at each other in russian >quickly plant 3 C4 on one wall, then back away >KABLAM.rekt >through the smoke, i charge into the base >naked from the waist down, dong swaying in the breeze >wielding my AK >i mow one down before they even know what is happening >the second manages to shoot me in the leg with a revolver once before he dies >the third hits me with a shotgun slug at nearly point-blank range >am nearly kill >my AK begins to pop >he is slain >I quickly heal, grab as much shit out of their chests before they can respawn >I get 7-8 guns >one metric shit ton of ammo >3 more C4 >high-quality metal, which I can use on more guns and to upgrade my base >grabbed anything of value I saw in a 20-seccond search >decide to get the hell out of dodge >I run away from their base as rifle shots zoom past me >lost them in a forest >i enter my base a rich man >look down >still don't have any pants Summary: I fend off a group of russians from my base with an AK47, then break into their base and steal all their shit while naked from the waist down.
3767 votes funny
I went into someones house and beat them to death with a rock while I was naked, I stole all of their stuff, Then I ran off home and played rust.
2557 votes funny
I start. Spawn in. Nude, cold, helpless. I come to a castle looking structure (obviously player made) I go up to it and say the oblivious "Hello!? I'm friendly" Meet some friendly guys out of the castle They inject me with a green and white pen looking thing Puts my health to 100 I get hit by a morningstar (or a mace if you want me to be correct) 100HP>20HP "You are our slave now" I accept my duty, as if I leave, I am sure of my death They show me the contents of a box outside of the "slave quaters" I find 7 human skulls and 3000 bone fragments.. I think to myself "Oh god, oh god, oh god.. Good one TeT look what you've walked yourself into this time" I cannot call them by their steam profile names... I must call them masters or my death will be certain. Masters say "We will now mark you as one of our slaves" One of them bring out a longsword I fall.. Bleeding, screaming.. All of them laughing hysterically "You're life is now ours, and we now own you" I accept my fate.. They take me inside the "slave quarters" Wooden structure outside their stone castle They show me to a 2 triangle foundation room.. Enough to fit a sleeping bag and thats it. "This is your room" They hand me a sleeping bag... I put it down in the small room. They bring me out and tell me to wait I wait for 15 minutes They come back with a metal hatchet and a Metal Pickaxe. "You get resources until we say" I go out and come back each time they say. *3 Hours of slaving for them* They say "Come inside the slave quarters now!" I am scared.. I don't think ive done anything wrong.. I mean.. All they fed me was raw human.. I've had to cook it myself.. I ready for death I clutch my fists as hard as I can... "Settle, slave.." "We wanted to thank you." "You have been the best slave yet, and yet you have got us enough materials to make our weapons and armors" "And you keep coming back like a lost puppy" .... I am utterly surprised.. "Come slave" I follow what I think was the leader.. They open the door into the castle I say "I cannot go into masters den... That is for masters!" They turn to me.. guns pointed.. I think to myself "I am dead.. You are a complete fu...." "Our den is now your den also.. We are inviting you into out lives.. No more slavery, you have proven yourself worthy" I stay quiet, I'm not fully convinced.. They take me to the top of their castle "Look at this view, Slave" I look, it is free open land, the grass sways with the push of the wind, leaves rustle.. "You had many opportunities to leave and never come back, slave." "But yet you came back.." "We will now call you by your real name" All of them together in collaboration "T-E-T" "TET!" "Will you join us into our endevours until death" Woah, I think.. I can't belive this.. "I will follow you to the realms of hell, I will follow you to the end of the world, I will carry you over my shoulders for whatever how long miles, even if you have the slightest amount of luck to live.. You are my masters, I shall obey, I shall forever bow down to you" "Come... TeT" They take me to the loot room.. They hand me an AK.. Black hoodie, pants, boots, metal chestplate and mask.. "I can't take this" "You are us now, embrace the look" "Th..aaank you masters.." "You don't have to call us masters anymo..." Rocket hits the building.. Silence between us I say "To the death" All of them "To the death" I freak out... I've never been in a real life battle before.. I spot 6 We are out matched.. Masters rush out will guns blazing.. They take out 2.. They are screaming their lungs out I take deep breaths.. Heart is pounding.. I run out spraying for my life.. I hear the satisfying sounds on headshots of the enemies.. As I see their lifeless bodies limp to the ground 70% Bleeding.. 10HP..9..8 Masters still screaming "I have you masters!" I get them all up "I will remember you all to the end.." "My wounds need tending.. But this is too late" I fall, screaming.. Masters scream "YOU WILL BE FINE TET, PLEASE GET UP" I see darkness settle in over my eyes I just remembered the times I had with these guys It's like life was flashing before me.. I hear the pounding of feet on the grass coming towards me Darkness has now taken me I am now free like the grass swaying in the wind.. I am now the leaves that rustled in the trees "No..No...No... This can't happen!" In a deep depressing tone I dreamt of him taking my facemask off and him holding me against his chest, crying... "Come back TeT, this is not your end! Please come back like the old days" I say with the lastness of my breath "These are the new days.. Master.. I am free...... Th..a..nk you." Masters are crying "Nooooo! Please come back, please, please! PLEASE!" "You can't go yet! We have places to explore! Enjoy food together! Carry each other to the end!" "Till death" Thank you masters.. Too bad I couldn't get your name It was fun.. To the end? Would absolutely buy this game for the memories. Thanks for reading!
2388 votes funny
9.5/10 Spawned, got shot. Built a base, saw it explode, got shot. bought a rock skin, got shot. got free weapons from a ''friendly'' player, got shot when i turned around.
2116 votes funny
> wake up on beach > wander > meet some guys dressed up in trash holding AK-47s > "HEY YOU, NAKED" > I come > "Follow us, you're our prisoner now" > They bring me to a base with a crudely drawn ISIS flag on it > They bring me into their base > "SING FOR US" > I don't say anything > "well you're ♥♥♥♥ing useless aren't you" > "bring him in the thunderdome" > waitwhat > they bring me into a prison with another naked > "NOW FIGHT!" > me and the naked fight intensely with rocks > I kill him, everyone is screaming "ALLAHU AKBAR" in bad middle-eastern accents > they bring me outside for a break > one ISIS member leaves the base, and I run outside while the door is open > being shot at by AK-47's while zigzagging > I escape into the desert then I left Egypt, bought Rust and the same thing happened in Rust
2033 votes funny
Very friendly environment. Everyone is very nice and not toxic at all!
2024 votes funny
Day 1: I've apparently woken up on a beach. There seems to be a naked man running towards me. I barely have time to register what's going on before I am brutally bludgeoned to death with a rock. 5 Minutes in: I've noticed the naked this seems to be a popular trend. Am I naked? 15 Minutes in: I've found that tab opens the inventory. I'm definitely naked. 20 Minutes in: I meet someone else with a mic. He proceeds to tell me that I can hit f2 and remove the censor on my junk. I have no idea why I would do this. 20 Minutes 1 second: My uncensored junk is flapping in the breeze. I feel strangely liberated. 22 Minutes in: Horribly maimed by a wolf. I survive to be crushed to death with a rock by my fellow man. 23 Minutes in: Where am I? 25 Minutes in: Someone in chat has given me the run down on how to build my own house. I proceed to collect materials. 40 Minutes in: My inventory is nearly full of building materials. I hear a loud noise and wake up on the beach. 41 Minutes in: Lose faith in humanity. 50 Minutes in: I'm apparently starving. 52 Minutes in: See a man peacefully sleeping on the beach. Proceed to crush him with a rock out of frustration. 53 Minutes in: Eat human meat to sate overwhelming hunger. 54 Minutes in: Wake up on the beach. 1 Hour in: Quit out of rage. 2 Hours later: Friend notices I bought Rust and tells me to get on. 1 Minute in: I wake up on the beach.
1746 votes funny
> wake up on the beach > wander > meet some guys dressed up in trash holding AK-47's >"HEY YOU, NAKED" > I come > "Follow us, you're our prisoner now" > They bring me to a base with a crudely drawn ISIS flag on it > They bring me into their base > "SING FOR US" > I don't say anything > "well you're ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ useless aren't you" > "bring him in to the thunderdome" > waitwhat > they bring me into a prison with another naked > "NOW FIGHT!" > me and the naked fight intensely with rocks > I kill him, everyone is screaming "ALLAHU AKBAR" in bad middle-eastern accents > they bring me outside for a break > one ISIS member leaves the base, and i run outside while the door is open > being shot at by AK-47's while zigzagging > I escape the desert then left Egypt, bought Rust and the same thing happened in Rust
1713 votes funny
I woke up on a beach, naked and hungry, while walking inland looking for food a deranged naked man tried to abduct me, so I smashed his head in with a rock and ate him Then I left Somalia, went home and bought rust
1706 votes funny
A game where you can build a nice house, and look out your window only to see a naked man chasing another naked man with a rock. Rate 420/10 would be naked again
1642 votes funny
A man with a cool gun entered my house asking if i had any food or ammo for his gun. He claimed to be friendly, i claimed to be friendly... Now i have a cool gun.
1498 votes funny
Woke up on the beach Wandered Met some guys dressed up in dishcloth holding ak47's They yelled at me "Hey naked!" I went closer "Come with us, you are now our prisoner" They take me to a base with an isis flag. I enter the base. They shoot my feet making me dance, and ask me to sing. I didnt sing. I was called useless They threw me into their thunder dome. I was forced to fight another naked with my rock! I killed the naked. Everyone screamed ALLAHU AKHBAR they took me outside and gave me a pumpkin. They fell asleep by the pool so I tried to make a run for it I zig zagged while being shot by ak47's from their roof. I escaped. I went home, bought rust and the same thing happened on here.
1431 votes funny
> wake up on the beach > wander > meet some guys dressed up in trash holding AK-47's >"HEY YOU, NAKED" > I come > "Follow us, you're our prisoner now" > They bring me to a base with a crudely drawn ISIS flag on it > They bring me into their base > "SING FOR US" > I don't say anything > "well you're ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ useless aren't you" > "bring him in to the thunderdome" > waitwhat > they bring me into a prison with another naked > "NOW FIGHT!" > me and the naked fight intensely with rocks > I kill him, everyone is screaming "ALLAHU AKBAR" in bad middle-eastern accents > they bring me outside for a break > one ISIS member leaves the base, and i run outside while the door is open > being shot at by AK-47's while zigzagging > I escape the desert then left Egypt, bought Rust and the same thing happened in Rust
1375 votes funny
> wake up on beach > wander > meet some guys dressed up in trash holding AK-47s > "HEY YOU, NAKED" > I come > "Follow us, you're our prisoner now" > They bring me to a base with a crudely drawn ISIS flag on it > They bring me into their base > "SING FOR US" > I don't say anything > "well you're ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ useless aren't you" > "bring him in the thunderdome" > waitwhat > they bring me into a prison with another naked > "NOW FIGHT!" > me and the naked fight intensely with rocks > I kill him, everyone is screaming "ALLAHU AKBAR" in bad middle-eastern accents > they bring me outside for a break > one ISIS member leaves the base, and I run outside while the door is open > being shot at by AK-47's while zigzagging > I escape into the desert Then I left Egypt, bought Rust and the same thing happened in Rust. Would definitely recommend
1251 votes funny
Played it for a little bit, seems okay. *edit, I decided to play it for a little bit again, it's still okay.
1192 votes funny
>you wake up early in the morning >you check if your house is still ok >look outsite your window >some naked guys are stealing your corn >you take your automatic rifle and shoot them in the head >you come back home >and play some Rust
1185 votes funny
>Be me at night time wearing nothing but kermit the frog boots and a potato sack ski mask >See light in the distance and hear gunshots >Ohboi.jpg >Decide I have nothing to lose and check it out >Walk past rock and see a 4 naked dudes spraying thompson rounds randomly. >A round almost hits me >Ohfuckno.jpg >Decide to creep up to their house under the cover of night (dong flapping gently in the cold winter wind). >Once I am close enough, I decide to pounce. >Scream "ALLUAH ACKBAR!" on the mic and bludgeon the first guy with my lit torch. >The second guy turns around suddenly, he is fumbling to equip his weapon >Itistoolate.jpg >Knock his teeth in with lit torch and he screams "NO!" on mic. >Third guy pops out of base with a thompson >I charge him with full force zig zagging around his barrage. >Bash him twice with lit torch, it breaks. >Itisover.jpg >He points his gun at me >Life moves in slo-motion as he lifts the barrel to my melon. >"CLICK!" gun is out of ammo. >(This is clearly a sign from God). >Scream "ALLUAH ACKBAR!" once more and switch to my stone hatchet >Hack his fucking face in. >4th guy slowly creeps out of base >He is clearly a naked noob (not a threat). >He sees me, a naked black man with a potato sack ski mask and kermit the frog boots, covered in his friends' blood. >Look him dead in the eye and whisper, "Run." >He takes off like the wind into the snowy mountains where he will most likely freeze to death. >Turn around and gaze into the distance as my dong flaps gently in the cold breeze. >Walk into the sunset never to be seen again. 10/10 would massacre again.
1176 votes funny
>Be me >Fresh spawn looking for supplies and maybe an ally >Find a guy with a gun >Tells me "I have some spare gear at my base" >*follows him* >I'm inside his house right now >I hear another voice >It's another guy >Gun guy locks the doors >Tells us to fight >I'm fighting this naked guy with a rock >Kill him >Gun guy tells me my only food is human meat and I'm his fighter >He takes me to an arena to fight other guys >A guy I start fighting with starts screaming tells me he doesn't want to fight >He gets shot by another gun >I loot his body and find a bow with arrows >On the way back to my cage with gun guy I turn around and headshot him killing him >I take his gun and keys and take over his base >Decide to live at his base >On the way back to his base I found another fresh spawn >Decide to help him on the way to the base with the guy >I decide to make him my fighter >I make him fight another naked guy >an hour later I'm shot in head by my fighter with a bow 10/10 The cycle continues
1151 votes funny
Me -Gets RUST -Plugs guitar in as a mic -Plays guitar for a bit -Gets taken hostage to play songs for some group on the server. 11/10 would be taken as a forced guitarist again
1146 votes funny

Rust.

  • wake up on a nice, wide beach
  • walk for some time taking in the scenery
  • meet some guys dressed in what looks like trash, holding some sort of battle sccared AK-47s
  • "YOU THERE, NAKED"
  • I go towards them
  • They tell me to follow them
  • Get brought to a compound with crudely made ISIS flags on it
  • They want me to sing for them
  • I don't dare to say anything
  • They tell me I'm useless, threatening to shocking me with some supposedly new tesla contraption
  • Someone yells "bring him inside the thunderdome instead"
  • waitwhat
  • I meet another prisoner whose also naked and he screams for help
  • his cell door opens and we are told to fight
  • I kill him after an intense battle with rocks
  • everyone chants "ALLAHU AKBAR" in bad middle-eastern accents
  • they bring me outside for air they say
  • bring me out for air they did not
  • I get told to run and that I get a head start of 10 seconds
  • they fired their AKs but missed horribly when I ran back and fourth, zigzagging away into the distance
  • I escape through some thick bush and out into the desert
I later fled syria and picked up a copy of this game, experiencing the same thing.
1135 votes funny
> wake up on beach > wander > meet some guys dressed up in trash holding AK-47s > "HEY YOU, NAKED" > I come > "Follow us, you're our prisoner now" > They bring me to a base with a crudely drawn ISIS flag on it > They bring me into their base > "SING FOR US" > I don't say anything > "well you're ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ useless aren't you" > "bring him in the thunderdome" > waitwhat > they bring me into a prison with another naked > "NOW FIGHT!" > me and the naked fight intensely with rocks > I kill him, everyone is screaming "ALLAHU AKBAR" in bad middle-eastern accents > they bring me outside for a break > one ISIS member leaves the base, and I run outside while the door is open > being shot at by AK-47's while zigzagging > I escape into the desert then I left Egypt, bought Rust and the same thing happened in Rust
1101 votes funny
1. Watch some YouTube videos. 2. Get hyped up. 3. Think it looks easy and you can manage. 4. Try it for your self. 5. Fail horribly. 6. Spit salt everywhere. 7. Rage quit. 8. Wait a moment to cool down 9. Repeat :D
1061 votes funny
My Story in Rust -Need wood to build house -Make ax -Go choppy choppy on tree -Thwack -Arrow goes above my head -Turn around -Big scary man with crossbow standing ten feet away -Rush at him with torch -Beat him to death with torch 10/10 would beat scary men with torches again
1053 votes funny

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