Things I gave to Counter-Strike: 1. Money 2. Time 3. Love Things Counter-Strike gave me: 1. Arthritis 2. Rage 3, Hatred of Russians,Spanish, and Russians 4. Broken keyboard 5. Broken mouse 6. 9/10 ready 7. Server crashes 8. low IQ teammates 9. Competitive matches 10. "Ez Pz" spam 11. Multilingual cursing - I guess this is a good thing? 12. Lag 13. Cheaters 14. 64 tick servers 15. Anxiety Essentially CS is a greedy woman, but I love her all the time. 11 / 10 would play again Thanks 9GAG

Every team consists of 5 people: 1.You 2.Russian Guy 3.Another Russian Guy 4.Russian Guy who speaks English 5. A 6 year old kid who slept with your mother 11/10 Too much Salt and С*ка Бли@т,not enough Kurvva Would love to take another dose of salt and punch my little brother

It's like roulette; fun until it turns into Russian.

If i had a dollar for each time someone screamed at me in another language, i'd still have no money because i spent it on skins

>see a guy >shoot him >miss every shot >he turns around >kills me in one shot >exit cs:go 10/10

It's like Dota 2 but with less wizards and more Russians.

Knife in real life: 10$ Knife in game: 400$ 10/10

This game is: 10% luck 20% skill 15% concentrated power of will 5% pleasure 50% pain and 100% reason to purchase this game

IQ tests should be mandatory before being able to play matchmaking

I bought this game for the chickens, and was not disappointed. After exploring the countless lands the chickens have traveled far and wide, I realized their population was growing too large. The chickens had started to inhabit such horrid locations across the world, such as nuclear plants, and offices without cafeterias. I knew what had to be done. I bought a flip knife off of the steam market, and called PETA. I listened to In the Arms of an Angel in my Microsoft Professional Deluxe Gaming Chair 360 for about twelve hours with no response, so, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I loaded up de_nuke and started to put the chickens out of their misery. I cried harder that night than I have ever before. The next morning, with tears in my eyes, I loaded up Counter-Strike: Global Chicken, and I saw a new item waiting in my inventory. My Flip Knife had turned into a Flip Knife Slaughter. At that moment, I realized what a horrible thing I had done. With my hand shaking, I navigated my mouse, and uninstalled Counter-Strike: Global Chicken. I regret everything I have done. I am writing this review to warn you about the chickens, and to let you know I have made a full recovery, and that I have started my new journey in Goat Simulator. Thank you, and farewell.

Real "Huntsman" Survival Knife: $29 Virtual "Huntsman" Survival Knife: $299

In this guide I will teach you how to play with russians , so here we go!!! 1) If your teammate did something wrong say -Ty dolbaeb? 2) If your teammate did something good say - Krasava! 3) If you won clutch round -sosat suka sosat 4) Lets rush b - idem rush b nahui (same for A/mid) 5) If something went wrong - pizdec 6) Give drop (politely) - dai drop pliz 7) Give drop (rude) - dai drop ili dam pizdi 8) I'm going to save - ja seivit' 9) If someone in other team plays good -pizdec cheater 10) Go eco guys, lets win next round with gun -eco odin raund a potom pizdi dadim s devaisami 11) When you win - GG izi 12) I'm from Russian - ja iz Rossii 13) American - pendosi 14) If you want to kick someone - kick etogo pidara 15) If teammates are thinking that you are bad -blyat pacani lagaet sorry 16) Polish - Kur.a 17) First Contact with russians - Cy.ka Bl.yat Idi Nahui You can add "nahui" to every phrase. Now you can play with russians and understand them.

Got A+ on my Russian exam.

Knife = free Knife with paint on it = 200$

If i had a dollar for each time someone screamed at me in another language, i'd still have no money because i spent it on skins

Here's what you learn and get with Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, for free! - Rage simulator 2016 - Study Russian Language without living in Russia - Learn how to spend hundreds of dollars on a virtual knife which does not exist outside your monitor - First-hand experience of schizophrenia - Become bipolar - Gain a habit of changing mouse every month - Search 144Hz monitors - Learn whats the best way to break keyboards - Learn a 14 years old is going to fuck you - Next learn that he is going to kill your family - Think about what your kitchen knife might look like if it was put into the game - Realize that you are going insane - Lose several matches and get angry - Try to relax and join another game - Finally start winning - Then start losing because your teammates can't keep it up - Rage - Punch the desk like it's your arch enemy - Bite your shirt - Realize that you are really going insane - Think of what's happening to you - You have become a monster! - Find out it's because of the game - Something tells you it is best to uninstall the game - Promise yourself you won't play it again - After a few days you get back to normal life - After some time you hear that there's an update - You pretend like you are not interested - Think of what could possibly go wrong if you start playing again - Promise yourself you won't rage and go crazy again - Install the game - Repeat the list Congratulations! You have successfully became a CS:GO player, well done!

CS:GO is like Roulette, funny until it gets russian

After more then 10 years , the Counter Terrorist need a Defuse Kit to defuse a bomb with the same defuse number as all other bombs.

CS GO in a nutshell: ANGRY RUSSIAN: Cyka blyat GUY THAT HATES RUSSIANS: STFU stooped russian ANGRY RUSSIAN: Idi nahui american kid GUY THAT HATES RUSSIANS: PUTIN PUTIN PUTIN ANGRY RUSSIAN: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA GUY THAT HATES RUSSIANS: FU stooped freak ANGRY RUSSIAN: Kurwa Random guy: This game is so cool ''Random guy got Banned for inappropriate language'' 10/10 (sorry for dem bad wordz )

Met lots of gifted individuals that can look at the ground while spinning and still click heads. Very impressive!

When People Say This Game Is Bad... I'm Globally Offended. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Counter Strike: Global Offensive Counterstrike is a game that slowly ravages and pulverizes your soul each and every time you play it. Everyone starts with the same thoughts when they play CS:GO: 1) 'Pfft. I'm never going to spend money in game buying skins and keys, that's stupid' 2) I'm never going to get that angry, it's only a game. 3) 'Meh, doesn't look that hard' Within a month - Within a week - 1) You’ve already have bought a P90 module skin because "Oh, It's only 30p" and you begin your slow downward spiral into the CS:GO marketplace, saving up for a knife and opening crates, in hopes of getting a knife which (deep on the inside, deep deep down) you know you're never going to get, and end up spending £10 opening crates, and getting back 50p worth of skins back. 2) You’ve probably already threatened a handful of people with their lives; it’s a game that can turn any lovely human being into a soul eating behemoth within minutes of a match starting. Get used to wanting to assassinate everyone in your near vicinity. 3) You'll already gave uninstalled the game at least twice, in utter exasperation and in utter hope of cleansing your life from this game. But you can't, you'll always go back. The community is utterly merciless and beastly, with over half the people being angry 12 year old Russians. The betting will completely waste you and rip you of all of your favourite 50p worth of skins. And the trading is completely unreliable, leaving you to deal with steam support, which is 10x more brutal than the game itself. But of course you’ll go back, it’s CS:GO, it’s a drug. A soul destroying, mind numbing, murder spree inducing drug. EDIT: HA. Oops.

Press 'E' on any chicken and it follows you

Your self-esteem either dies in this game or it inflates to unbearable proportions.

I was always terrible in CS:GO, but now I can always be terrible in CS2. What an upgrade!