SteamCritique
Quiz
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SatisfactorySatisfactory
I'll start mining this iron ore and then I'll go to bed. Hmmm, I should start making copper wire, but then I'm definitely going to bed. I better make sure they get stored, but then I'm definitely going to bed... promise. I better add more power, but then I'm definitely, absolutely, going to bed! Promise x 10. I just have to add some splitters, but then I'm DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY, going to bed... promise... times infinity... +1!!! ★★★★★★★★★★
1498 votes funny
I'll start mining this iron ore and then I'll go to bed. Hmmm, I should start making copper wire, but then I'm definitely going to bed. I better make sure they get stored, but then I'm definitely going to bed... promise. I better add more power, but then I'm definitely, absolutely, going to bed! Promise x 10. I just have to add some splitters, but then I'm DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY, going to bed... promise... times infinity... +1!!! ★★★★★★★★★★
1498 votes funny
Finally, I can uninstall Epic Games Launcher.
1285 votes funny
i locked my enemy under my base. the fire ball spitting demon will stay there until i have mined his world into NOTHING. And then, I will free him. he was the first thing to kill me in the game, and he will be my LAST. Update: My enemy has killed me many times. I call my base lasagna, and he is the bottom. The prison. Where he belongs. He kills me when I try and manage the bottom layer of my production lasagna, but that's alright. His time will come.
1028 votes funny
I'm a mum of three. I'm new to PC gaming. This game has me captivated. Why can't I automate my washing with a factory like this? I have recruited my own kids to help me out. It's been amazing. The chore list has been replaced with manufacturing goals and milestones that need to be achieved. Who needs groceries and clean clothes? I've abandoned my friends and girls' nights out in favour of the game. They ain't happy. They'd like to speak to the manager.
965 votes funny
I'm married with two kids: a two year old and a 12 year old. I've had this for a week and I've sunk in 50+ hours, somehow. Wife calls me obsessed. Kids dragged their own chairs into the home office to watch me play. Office kinda smells funny. Wait, house kinda smells funny. Wait...I'm off to take a shower. Get it. You'll only regret it if you have a life.
789 votes funny
I bought it, I am pleased. It has less quality of life comforts than Factorio. This is okay. I showed my friend. He liked what he heard. I told him the chainsaw does not kill enemies. He will wait. I understand. Later edit: He still decides to wait, but you shouldn't. There is charm in here.
754 votes funny
Game : Satisfactory Graphics : Satisfactory Content : Satisfactory Multiplayer : Satisfactory Soundtrack : Satisfactory Loading Times : Satisfactory Water Detail : Satisfactory System Requirements : Satisfactory The Sandwich i ate last Tuesday : Satisfactory The feeling of riding on the top deck of a bus : Satisfactory The warm touch of a woman on a cold night : Satisfactory The taste of the yellow crayon : Satisfactory.
735 votes funny
Step 1: make noodle factory Step 2: look up video on game because you think are doing something wrong Step 3: see how organized the person in the video is and destroy your factory Step 4: rebuild factory but better and less noodle Step 5: see that factory can be more efficient and rebuild better Step 6: see that factory can be more efficient and rebuild better Step 7: see that factory can be more efficient and rebuild better Step 8: see that factory can be more efficient and rebuild better Step 9: THE FACTORY GROWS HUNGRY FOR MORE RESOURCES Step 10: help, the factory is all i can think about, i close my eyes and i see it, i eat food and i see it, i shower and i see it, the factory can always be better, its me, i am just not good enough for the factory if i was not here the factory would truly run at 100% efficiency Step 11: i am the factory and the factory is i, without this factory i am nothing and the factory without i is nothing, if you need me i will be thinking of a way to produce copper sheets more efficient
669 votes funny
Subnauticas' graphics. Factorios' depth (plus multi-level factories are intriguing), Minecrafts' soothing ability to burn hours, decent multiplayer even for an alpha. Tell my family I loved them. I work for the factory now.
667 votes funny
I'm sure i bought this game 20 minutes ago. What the hell happened?
567 votes funny
I'M DOING 10,000 CALCULATIONS PER MINUTE AND ALL OF THEM ARE WRONG
547 votes funny
The game gives you a beautiful alien planet and basically tells you to build an Amazon warehouse over it.
519 votes funny
It's all fun and games til you have to walk 3000m for some coal
518 votes funny
Don't buy this Game if your marriage is going pretty well. Or even kinda well, or even just okay. You will not be "going to target", "Doing Parent teacher night", "taking out the trash", "rubbing her feet"...NO sir! you will be building conveyor belts, converting inventory and going on "one last power slug run". You will not be abiding by a standard bed time, you will not be "logging on for just a sec". This is your new wife, Mother f*^&r and you will respect her. So if you plan on buying this game you better give your wife one last kiss, take one last glance at that sweet sweet ass and buckle up 'cause "satisfactory" is the best description she'll have for what your life was like before you got your dumb ass addicted to another god damned game. Cheers.
517 votes funny
have not played a lot but a great game
482 votes funny
If engineering is your jam, this is very much not jam. It's crack cocaine.
463 votes funny
The iron never stops. It can't stop. I tried to step away, I really did. I thought I'd be free, just a quick break to touch grass and maybe talk to another human being... BUT THE BELTS! ooooHHHH, those beautiful, cruel conveyor belts kept calling me BACK. They whisper in my sleep, "YoU’rE oNe cOnvEyOr shOrt of PERFECTION." And I listen. I always listen. My friends are long gone. My social life? Disassembled and repurposed as modular frames. I don’t eat unless it's biofuel. My house is just a storage container for reality, while my mind is powered by somersloops. They say there's an end, that you can finish the space elevator, but I know the truth: Satisfactory never ends. There’s always another node, another resource to exploit, another mega structure to build. My soul belongs to the factory now. Efficiency is my religion. And somewhere in the distance, I can hear a miner churning... forever.
449 votes funny
I've spent more time optimizing my production lines in this game than I have optimizing my own life.
440 votes funny
Its satisfactory.
433 votes funny
If you are on the spectrum, this is like a legal unlimited supply of drugs.
401 votes funny
Monday 09:04 AM - I'll play it for a moment :) Wednesday 07:09 PM - F*CK :)
392 votes funny
I connected 2 kettles to one power strip.
379 votes funny
I started a co-op factory with a close friend. After a day of work, I stepped back, looked at what we built, and came to some realizations. 1. I have no fucking idea whats going on in this factory 2. Half the components that directly interact with each other aren't even near one another, one of the machines producing copper cable for another machine to assemble into circuit boards is halfway across the god damn refinery 3. 90% of the conveyor belts are underground, and the rest are going so many directions this thing looks like a ball of yarn 4. There is coal fucking EVERYWHERE 5. I maintain enough sanity to count to 5 6. Staring at this thing makes my eyes itch 7. Looking away makes my brain itch The scariest part is that it keeps getting bigger, and every time it gets bigger it somehow becomes MORE labrynthine. One of those fucking conveyor belts goes all the way around the entire factory to deliver steel plates to a single assembler thats making bloody roters, and its right next to the refinery itself! Sometimes the factory breaks. We don't usually notice because of how much of a mess this thing is, and the breaks we do spot are often half an hour old and are a recurring problem. Rather than fix it, we simply unjam the machine and ignore it until it breaks again. The biggest problem to fixing it comes from our production lines. Normal production lines look like a grid. Ours looks like you threw a bunch of squares into a bowl of spaghetti noodles and gave the bowl to a five year old for a period of one to five minutes. This proccess results in either an empty bowl and a full five year old, a floor covered in noodles, or spaghetti all over the walls and ceiling with the squares nowhere to be found. Knowing the trend in increasing chaos and complexity the factory exhibits, probably all three. The factory is an embodiment of madness incomprehensible even to the men who built it, laid every unholy circuit of conveyor belt, a thousand arms madly spinning every second, countless plates of copper and iron in a complex dance the likes of which is unseen in the realm of mere mortals. There are sections that I have no idea how they work, and I BUILT THEM. The factory grows more complex with each passing second and more convoluted every milisecond. Perhaps the reason is in part due to each segment being constructed with no plans for future additions, then the future additions were constructed by forcibly adapting the existing segments, usually by shoving more tubes into it rather than actually redesigning it, and these future additions are also not planned for expansion. The end result is a clusterfuck so large in magnitude, the last time a clusterfuck rivaled it in size, God smote the town and turned its inhabitants into salt. Unfortunately no god can save us from this... thing. Having expanded it further its almost as if the factory has a mind of its own, an ever hungry consciousness burning with dark malevolence and the need to grow. It infects all who stand in its presence, compelling them to add to it. A hundred furnaces belch smoke and the black blood of the earth is torn from its cradle to fuel the fires of industry. The ecosystem is demolished and the skin of the planet is rented and shattered for its glittering treasures, tossed into the inferno of a thousand stone and metal prisons to be transformed, used to expand the malignant blight upon the world that we brought. Ten thousand steel cogs turn and steam fills the air as the never ending fires boil the oceans away to power the sprawling spiderweb of mechanised mayhem, ordered chaos at its purest, a hundred thousand plates of steel and copper cycle and swirl in patterns barely knowable by the very people that created them. Each day, the blue and purple fluids are pumped into glowing bronze tubes, each sparking and burning, discovering new knowledge and new machines. The factory grows. Each advance in technology only complicates matters. The factory grows. The new advances create a need for new resources. The factory grows. The new resources require new means of transportation. The factory grows. The new transportation feeds new machines that burn the new resources to produce blue fluids to discover new technology. The factory grows. The purple fluids feed the globes to reveal new truths, beginning the vicious cycle anew, a neverending circle of destruction and growth that will only end when every corner of the planet is scoured clean. The factory grows. The planet will never be scoured clean. The factory grows. The planet is infinite in size. The factory grows. The game will never be over. The factory grows.
354 votes funny
Good game, played for a couple of hours.
351 votes funny
WARNING: Do not buy this if you need 8 hours of sleep per night, have a girlfriend/wife/kids, or have anything important to do in the near future. You will become addicted and productivity in other areas of life will drop by at least 50%. I have stooped low to the point of having this running in the background while at work to stockpile. My fellow gamers at work are wise to what I'm doing because my laptop fans are churning away, but I don't care. All that matters now is setting up new production lines at 100% efficiency.
332 votes funny

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